Category Archives: Comics

August 1st, 2014

August 1, 2014
August 1, 2014

The physical transformation I’ve undergone, going from over three hundred pounds to just a little over two hundred, has been nothing next to the changes I’ve made to my very identity.

I rewrote everything so completely that I’m still filling in the gaps in my new backstory.  I’m still finding missing pieces that need their narratives attached or discarded.

This hasn’t been a result of a loss, but of a gaining of identity. A return to the true north that had been hiding in me since childhood.

The internet was a place that I could begin this process in a relatively safe way. I could be a version of myself I felt comfortable letting the world see.

The fact that the “internet Jesse” was probably even more fucked up than the “real Jesse” is telling, but that’s a subject for another day.

July 28th, 2014

July 28th, 2014
July 28th, 2014

To quote my favorite movie, “I know drug real from real real!”

It’s incredibly difficult to sift through the things that  come from what seems almost like an outside source and the thoughts that are truly, genuinely mine when I’m being effected by my Depression or feeling anxious, but I have a lot of practice at it.

When these thoughts, which I have not been confronted with consistently for almost 5 years, began to surface again I knew that it was a side effect of the medication and not me slipping down into a spiral.

I didn’t panic, I didn’t act on them. I went to the doctor, I told her what was happening, and I’m trying something else.

It would be easy to just swear off anti-depressants entirely, but like a diabetic trying to control their illness through diet alone, I know that sometimes I have to accept that I have a chemical problem that can require a chemical solution.

That said, if you’re having suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help. You’re not alone. I’ve been there and if I had gone through with it when I had a date and a plan, I would have missed all the best things in my life. You are loved. You are worth it.