The physical transformation I’ve undergone, going from over three hundred pounds to just a little over two hundred, has been nothing next to the changes I’ve made to my very identity.
I rewrote everything so completely that I’m still filling in the gaps in my new backstory. I’m still finding missing pieces that need their narratives attached or discarded.
This hasn’t been a result of a loss, but of a gaining of identity. A return to the true north that had been hiding in me since childhood.
The internet was a place that I could begin this process in a relatively safe way. I could be a version of myself I felt comfortable letting the world see.
The fact that the “internet Jesse” was probably even more fucked up than the “real Jesse” is telling, but that’s a subject for another day.