Tag Archives: depression

August 11th, 2014

August 11th, 2014
August 11th, 2014

Today, Robin Williams committed suicide.

When I heard the news, I hid from my coworkers in a bathroom stall and cried for twenty minutes, feeling the weight of my struggles with Depression and suicidal thoughts, dating back to my teenage years. I thought about how hard I’ve fought to make my progress, to turn my life into something that I’m happy living in, and I thought about how that battle is never going to end for as long as I live.

Every day can be an uphill climb just to function. There are times when simple, menial tasks seem impossible.

I can tell you inspirational stories from my life and the lives of those around me about the beauty inherent in that fight to stay alive, but today I think it’s best to just let us all feel how sad we are to see someone succumb to their struggle, how hard things can be, and how we should love and support each other when and wherever we can.

August 9th, 2014

August 9th, 2014Tonight I watched “All That Jazz” for the first time. I wasn’t quite ready for how deeply it would affect me.

The thoughts I’m portraying here were certainly sobering, but they’re not exactly upsetting or sad to me. I’m on a path where I can be comfortable withe only having me and I’m making work that makes me feel good about what I’ve done and added to the world.

Only having me and what I made is not really such a bad deal.

 

 

July 28th, 2014

July 28th, 2014
July 28th, 2014

To quote my favorite movie, “I know drug real from real real!”

It’s incredibly difficult to sift through the things that  come from what seems almost like an outside source and the thoughts that are truly, genuinely mine when I’m being effected by my Depression or feeling anxious, but I have a lot of practice at it.

When these thoughts, which I have not been confronted with consistently for almost 5 years, began to surface again I knew that it was a side effect of the medication and not me slipping down into a spiral.

I didn’t panic, I didn’t act on them. I went to the doctor, I told her what was happening, and I’m trying something else.

It would be easy to just swear off anti-depressants entirely, but like a diabetic trying to control their illness through diet alone, I know that sometimes I have to accept that I have a chemical problem that can require a chemical solution.

That said, if you’re having suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help. You’re not alone. I’ve been there and if I had gone through with it when I had a date and a plan, I would have missed all the best things in my life. You are loved. You are worth it.