I may well write about some of these experiences some day. But in much the same way as the eventual writing I plan to do about my summer of going on 3-5 first dates a week, it will be with sufficient distance and fictionalization to protect the innocent (which does not include myself).
Yeah, I performed the Heimlich Maneuver on someone who was choking. Yeah, it was a first and it was pretty cool, I guess. Mostly I was just glad that I managed to keep a cool head in a stressful situation (which I’ve always thought of myself as a person who was good at that, but it’s still good to get confirmation sometimes).
My patience for know-it-alls is … limited.
Blame my ex-wife.
Apparently a sense of self-worth is very expensive.
An unforgivable sin.
This is like a reverse evolutionary diagram.
Don’t be like me, kids. Or maybe do. I dunno.
Towards the end of my time working in a call center for AT&T in 2009, there was a day when I was riding a transfer to another office, my phone muted while whoever the customer was supposed to be talking to in the first place actually fixed their problem. I had my headset disconnected, the cord hidden in my hand so that I wasn’t breaching their privacy and was reminiscing about the days when I was a teenager working in a truck stop. I thought back to that time I thought someone had dropped a candy bar on the floor of the bathroom only to discover it was actually a half a Baby Ruth sized turd, laying about two feet in front of the toilet. When I told people the story, I called it “The Reverse Caddyshack.”
This is like that, but in reverse.
A Double Reverse Caddyshack, if you will.
The fact that I had this moment while being taught how to treat one of our elderly resident’s hemorrhoids might be a sign that I’ve made a good career decision.
I lost my first resident today.
I have worked sedentary desk jobs since I was 21. I’m … not used to this yet.