The quote from a loved one (as best as I can remember it) was, “Jesse, when you pull yourself down, you pull down the people around you who love you.”
She was right, and while I can honestly say that I don’t do this as much as I used to it is still a struggle from time to time.
I made it.
For those that know me personally, if you ever find yourself wondering “Has Jesse thought this through? Does he realize how dangerous/risky/uncertain it is?” I just want to very clearly state that the answer is always “Yes.”
I have thought through every terrible thing that might happen, including at least a dozen you probably couldn’t have without first having read the wikipedia entry for unusual deaths (which I’ve read at least twice).
The question for me isn’t whether there’s risk, it’s whether the rewards are worth it. If my choices are to risk everything or stand still, standing still feels like death to me these days so I’m going to go for it.
I have a lot of words to write about body horror someday. About why it’s so effective on me. Why a movie I’ve seen multiple times can still horrify me with that sort of imagery.
For now I’m just going to obsess over my knee, though.
I am not a mechanic. I just play one in an indie webcomic from time to time.
I don’t just make bad jokes in my private life and my comic. I make bad jokes at work, too.
The weight I’ve lost hasn’t just been around my waist: My shoulders carry far less of a burden than they used to.
I travel light nowadays. It suits me well.
Then, everything was an obligation and a chore. Now, it’s a choice and a privilege.
Ugliness is easy to draw. Truth is a little more difficult. Beauty is downright hard.
Maybe that doesn’t just apply to my art.
It can be frustrating to see so much growth in one area and so little in another. But I suppose that I just need to remember that progress is not linear.
There’s a chance I’m a dork.